Can i not drive my cunt home
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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