Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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