Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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