When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
