You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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