I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
