I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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