VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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