You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
