I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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