hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
