I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
