all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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