Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
