We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
