hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize