Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i drank out of a bidet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
