My room smells like vodka and shame
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
