my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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