Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
