somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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