You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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