saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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