that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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