i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
