where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
