I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
