No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
