I am spending my child support on dildos
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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