I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
