sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
