someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize