Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
