3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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