the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
