I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
