so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
