Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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