You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
