The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
