had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize