Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
