her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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