we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
