So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
