you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
