Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
