just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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