We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
