Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
