It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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