I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
