Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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