I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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