i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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