He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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