Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
