Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
