he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
