Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
