Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
