Got a toothbrush?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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