so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
