***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
