Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
