There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
