I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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