Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
