Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
