I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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