The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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