did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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