just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
