I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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