Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
