but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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