We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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