What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
