I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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