On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
