You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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