Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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