I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
