david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
