it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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