why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
