I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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