I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
