a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
