hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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