we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
