there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
