TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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