NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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