I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Damn victory sex feels great
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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