Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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