Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
