I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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