miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
