So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
