Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
