Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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