They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize