remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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