dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
