We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Randomize
