Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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