genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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