is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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