I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
