The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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