i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize