Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
